miredd

Back to being depressed, as usual. It's amazing how little can tip the scales into my life sucking--and the truly funny thing is that I KNOW what depresses me, and yet I continually revisit those things. And every time I do and I find nothing has changed, that little optimistic bit that is left in me dies a little more. I am only happy when he is around, he makes me forget, and yet I find myself holding back just like I always do. It is becoming a disturbing trend I wish I knew the source of. Self-doubt, hell, let's face it, self-hatred... .... Why do people even bother with me? In less than a breath, less than a thought, I contradict mysel

Well, life does not suck today. For once I can actually say I am pretty content. Yeah I am still losing weight rapidly, school and work still bite donkey nuts, people stil hate me, I still have few real-life friends and I still waste my time doing things like stock and playing DAoC, but...guess what, if it werent for DAoC I would not have met the most wonderful man in the world. A new man already, you say? Yeah well the intense attraction and amazing connection just blindsided the fuck out of me (and everyone else involved) and believe me I was not looking to get into another relationship so soon. Problem? He lives in Connecticut (for now,

Halloween can bite me. Joe and I broke up. A while ago in fact. Shortly after our 2 year anniversary. Do not say you are sorry, because I am not. For a while there I was happier than I have ever been. Not anymore though. I rarely draw now. My existence is just a seesaw of different kinds of miseries. What few friends I have are all doing stuff for Halloween, and I am sitting here playing solitaire because I am a fucking loser and fully 90% of the people I meet hate my guts. I bet if I had not called my best friend he would not have thought to even let me in on his plans. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I need to go burn a pi