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Mm
1 min read
Back to being depressed, as usual. It's amazing how little can tip the scales into my life sucking--and the truly funny thing is that I KNOW what depresses me, and yet I continually revisit those things. And every time I do and I find nothing has changed, that little optimistic bit that is left in me dies a little more. I am only happy when he is around, he makes me forget, and yet I find myself holding back just like I always do. It is becoming a disturbing trend I wish I knew the source of. Self-doubt, hell, let's face it, self-hatred...
....
Why do people even bother with me? In less than a breath, less than a thought, I contradict myself three ways. Even in writing this, I analyze how I feel, and I become annoyed that I am contradicting my own damn thought process. Hnf. Whatever.
I am alive, and that is all that matters...? (knock on wood)
....
Why do people even bother with me? In less than a breath, less than a thought, I contradict myself three ways. Even in writing this, I analyze how I feel, and I become annoyed that I am contradicting my own damn thought process. Hnf. Whatever.
I am alive, and that is all that matters...? (knock on wood)
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Not so bad this time.
2 min read
Well, life does not suck today. For once I can actually say I am pretty content. Yeah I am still losing weight rapidly, school and work still bite donkey nuts, people stil hate me, I still have few real-life friends and I still waste my time doing things like stock and playing DAoC, but...guess what, if it werent for DAoC I would not have met the most wonderful man in the world.
A new man already, you say?
Yeah well the intense attraction and amazing connection just blindsided the fuck out of me (and everyone else involved) and believe me I was not looking to get into another relationship so soon.
Problem? He lives in Connecticut (for now, muahahaha). Bah. Well he is visiting at the end of this month, and I will be counting the days until he does.
I also got the part I have been working and fighting for. Oh yeah, go me, go me. Plus I did a really interesting photoshoot yesterday. I will be uploading the pictures soon so check back here every now and again:
A new man already, you say?
Yeah well the intense attraction and amazing connection just blindsided the fuck out of me (and everyone else involved) and believe me I was not looking to get into another relationship so soon.
Problem? He lives in Connecticut (for now, muahahaha). Bah. Well he is visiting at the end of this month, and I will be counting the days until he does.
I also got the part I have been working and fighting for. Oh yeah, go me, go me. Plus I did a really interesting photoshoot yesterday. I will be uploading the pictures soon so check back here every now and again:
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Halloween
1 min read
Halloween can bite me.
Joe and I broke up. A while ago in fact. Shortly after our 2 year anniversary. Do not say you are sorry, because I am not. For a while there I was happier than I have ever been. Not anymore though. I rarely draw now. My existence is just a seesaw of different kinds of miseries.
What few friends I have are all doing stuff for Halloween, and I am sitting here playing solitaire because I am a fucking loser and fully 90% of the people I meet hate my guts. I bet if I had not called my best friend he would not have thought to even let me in on his plans.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I need to go burn a picture before shit goes down...
Joe and I broke up. A while ago in fact. Shortly after our 2 year anniversary. Do not say you are sorry, because I am not. For a while there I was happier than I have ever been. Not anymore though. I rarely draw now. My existence is just a seesaw of different kinds of miseries.
What few friends I have are all doing stuff for Halloween, and I am sitting here playing solitaire because I am a fucking loser and fully 90% of the people I meet hate my guts. I bet if I had not called my best friend he would not have thought to even let me in on his plans.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I need to go burn a picture before shit goes down...
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Devious Journal Entry
1 min read
::Singing sadly:: Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...
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BIRTHDAY
1 min read
Augh, new Deviantart layout pissing me off. Sorry I have not much been around--most of the drawing I have been doing has been concept art for a friend of mine, so I don't really want to upload that and flash it around...
is where I am found most these days...
Um, I still take commisions....refer here for what I can do; miredd.deviantart.com/journal/…
Anyway, my BIRTHDAY is on SEPTEMBER 18TH. Comin up. So...get me something. Or better yet, draw me something
Aaand...go visit;
because I love him. It will be 2 years around the same time of my birthday, can you believe that?
is where I am found most these days...Um, I still take commisions....refer here for what I can do; miredd.deviantart.com/journal/…
Anyway, my BIRTHDAY is on SEPTEMBER 18TH. Comin up. So...get me something. Or better yet, draw me something
Aaand...go visit;
because I love him. It will be 2 years around the same time of my birthday, can you believe that?
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